Eating Together

Many years ago, I read an article in a woman’s magazine about common factors in the lives of successful people (from all walks of life). Two factors stood out as being the most influential in successful people’s lives. The first was that the successful person grew-up in a family that ate together regularly and the next most important factor was that successful people had experience in school with performance in front of an audience; be it through drama, public speaking, or debate type of activities.

What is it about eating together as a family that helps a young person develop into a successful adult? There are several scientifically identified benefits, that eating together produces.

• Eating together is a unifier and gives one a sense of community. It promotes a sense of belonging, security, self-esteem, and strengthens family relationships. The intimacy of sharing meals increases happiness.
• Mealtime conversation teaches how to listen, how to ask questions, and how to express oneself. It is a potent vocabulary builder for children and expands their reading ability. It also teaches the use of open-ended questions as conversation starters.
• Eating together leads to better social skills, good table manners, and patience and dexterity through the use of utensils.
• For children, family meals lead to better grades in school and the children are less likely to engage in risky behavior or delinquent acts.
• There are positive nutritional outcomes of eating together, such as healthier food choices and increased consumption of fruits and vegetables. It gives everyone a chance to explore new foods and also promotes portion control. Children are less likely to be overweight, to be picky eaters, or to consume junk food and sodas.
• Studies show that teenagers actually want to spend time with their families! Teens who eat with families regularly are more likely to be well-adjusted, have good manners, and good conversation skills.
• For adults, eating together reduces stress, tension, and strain from long office hours.
• Lastly, not only does cooking and eating at home conserve money, but it helps to control salt consumption, excess fats used in cooking and improve the quality and nutritional value of the food you eat.

There are, of course, some ground rules to eating together. Topics of conversation can be broad, but aggressive behavior, putting someone down, or arguing should not occur. Everyone should be “un-plugged” – no T.V., tablets, or phones at the table. Unless the conversation has lead to a question that can be readily answered by Google.

Despite our busy schedules, there are plenty of opportunities each week for a family to eat together; excluding lunches, there are 14 times during the week to get together. Cooking and meal planning together can also help to strengthen family ties. Depending on the ages of the children, they can help plan menus, pick days (like “Meatless Mondays” or “Taco Tuesdays”), make grocery lists, and help shop for the food. A grocery store is a wonderful place for children to learn many skills. Learning to evaluate the price of an item based on its weight, or to practice multiplication. For example, “If mom is going to buy 6 oranges and the price is $.69 each, how much are the oranges going to cost?” It is also an opportunity to learn to read labels and learn about nutrition, “Did you know that the brightly colored fruits and vegetables are more nutritious? Let’s see what brightly colored foods we can buy today.”

Cooking together also provides socialization and conversation time. Children can help with prepping for the meals and also setting the table and cleaning up afterward. Even young children can help with stirring non-hot foods. As they get older, teaching them how to use a knife safely is very important.

A very accomplished acquaintance of mine, raised by a single mother, recounts that there were always fresh flowers and a nicely set table for their meals. It certainly made her feel special and promoted healthy bonding with her mother. A nicely set table makes everyone feel special and helps to bring out our “Sunday manners”. When I was young, Girl Scouts taught us many skills that are probably not taught nowadays. One of the things I learned was flower arranging. This was a skill that my mother, who loved to entertain, called upon frequently. It was often my job to pick out the linens, decide on the color scheme, which often had to do with what flowers were blooming in the garden at that time. Then I was responsible for fixing the flowers and setting the table. At least to me, it always seemed inviting when I had finished getting everything ready and it looked nice.

A well-known cookbook author of the 1950s, Elizabeth David, stated her equation for physical and psychological well-being, “Eat simply and eat together.” Guy Fieri, an American restauranteur has said, “Cooking is all about people. Food is maybe the only universal thing that has the power to bring everyone together. No matter what culture, everywhere around the world, people eat together.”

So, my wish for you is to take the time to cook and eat together. It is important in the lives of adults and children – and enjoy!

As Julia Child would say, “Bon Appetit!”