While on vacation, a friend met a family with two young teenagers. They were in a lovely setting with clean air. And several fun activities for the children.
However, these two youngsters kept their eyes on their phones the entire time. They did not interact with other adults, children, or the beautiful environment. They also did not eat the home-cooked meals made for them. Instead, they snacked on empty-calorie foods and would only eat in restaurants.
Because my tagline is: “Health is my calling, family meals are my passion,” the story of this family sent me into overdrive, researching the importance of family meals, the impact of excessive cell phone usage, and the role of parents in all of this.
My first reaction to this story was, where are the parents? My second thought was that this family was probably not having family meals at home and that their children were missing out on an essential source of socialization and interaction.
Two of my previous blogs have dealt with the aspects of family meals. Specifically, how meals together positively impact children’s emotional well-being, healthy interactions, bonding, and self-acceptance.
Mealtime together is an opportunity to build rich, deep relationships through questions and conversation. For adolescents, exploring such topics as what they want to be and what they want to accomplish in their lives are vital developmental exercises. Mealtimes can also be fun. Look for games to play at the dinner table where everyone can be involved.
I reread my previous blogs and would like to encourage you to do so. The blog called “Eating Together,” discusses research on the positive impact of eating together with children. The other blog, “The Walk to Santiago de Compostela or How a Disparate Group Became Family” describes how eating together made a group think of each other as “family.” Two other blogs feed into the idea of eating together, “Preventing Childhood Obesity, part 1” and “part 2“.
Parents can find many resources to improve mealtime interactions with their children. Two resources for you:
- The Harvard Family Dinner Project, sponsored by the Harvard Graduate School of Education. All kinds of information, ideas, and games are accessible online.
- The book: “Eat, Laugh, Talk, the Family Dinner Playbook,” is available through Amazon.
As for cell phone usage in teens, the data can be rather disturbing. According to a Pew Research Poll in 2018,
- 95% of teens had access to smartphones
- 45% reported using the internet “almost constantly” (doubled since 2014-2015)
- 44% said they go online multiple times a day.
In one study of adolescents in the United States, those who used social media more than three hours a day were at risk for developing mental health problems such as feeling sad, lonely, depressed, and anxious. In another study of teens in England, those who used social media multiple times a day were more likely to report less happiness, more anxiety, and less life satisfaction than those teens who used it weekly or less. This psychological effect seemed more apparent in girls than boys (18% vs. 5%). “Allowing young people unfettered access to the sometimes toxic environment of social media seems to be harming them psychologically,” states Christopher Lobos, MD, MSc in 2019.
A study from the University of Seoul, South Korea, studied teens addicted to smartphones. They found that it created a chemical imbalance in the brains of these teens, causing anxiety, depression, decreased impulse control, and sleep disorders.
Some of the other problems that can result from excessive screen time/social media time include:
- Tendonitis of the forearm and thumb
- Neck problems from looking downward at a phone
- Neck-craning from looking at a computer screen
- Cyberbullying
- Obesity (lack of exercise or motion)
- Eye issues like dry eyes, redness, and blurred vision.
Now, back to the question posed in the beginning – where are the parents?
I think parents share a common desire for their children to be healthy, happy in their lives, able to interact socially and perform well in school. Knowing that the human brain does not mature until age 25 means that parents of children and teens need to be able to direct their children and set limits on their behavior. First, parents must set good examples by judiciously using smartphones/screens/social media.
It is reasonable to insist that phones be turned off during mealtimes, driving, doctor visits, and social gatherings. Many parents have children turn off their phones at least an hour before bedtime. Studies show that the blue light from screens interferes with the ability to fall asleep.
In the days of land-line telephones, my teenage daughter had a phone in her bedroom. A friend called her a few times around midnight. My husband and I asked her to tell her friend not to call later than 10 PM. Well, of course, that did not work! So, I took the phone away, and we had no more midnight phone calls. Parents can do things like that. I did not belittle her, yell, or anything like that. I said, “We can not have any more midnight phone calls, and I’m going to take the phone away.” Many parents take phones and computers out of their children’s rooms each night to ensure they get sufficient sleep.
In conclusion, we can do some specific things to help our family develop cohesiveness, healthy interpersonal interactions, and a sense of acceptance. One is regular family meals together. It does not matter if this is breakfast, lunch, or dinner; there are 21 opportunities during the week to eat together. Learning to make mealtimes fun is essential, and resources are available to help do that. Limiting screen time is good for adults and children because it encourages face-to-face interactions with others and reinforces that human relationships are most important.
